Couples Therapy in Auckland & Online

For relationships stuck in the same pattern — even when you’re both trying

• Most couples are having the same challenge again and again - the subject might differ, but the argument is the same

• One of you is trying harder and harder to fix things.

• The other is shutting down, pulling away, or feeling like they can’t get it right.

• The more one of you moves toward, the more the other pulls away — and nothing actually changes.

• If that’s happening in your relationship, you’re not alone.

This is the most common pattern I work with.

Based on Auckland’s North Shore, I work with couples in Takapuna, Devonport, and across Auckland, as well as online.

What Tends To Go Wrong

Couples run into difficulty for two reasons:

Firstly, the relationship hasn’t been built deliberately. It has evolved over time — patched together as you go — without clear agreements about how things are meant to work.

Secondly, You didn’t agree on how to behave when the relationship is under stress.

When pressure hits - and it always does - each of you defaults to your own way of coping.

One of you moves towards.

The other moves away.

Both responses make sense individually.

But together, they create the pattern you’re now stuck in.

What You May Be Saying To Yourselves:

“they just don’t get me”

“I don’t feel heard”

“I’ve lost trust”

“He just shuts down”

“I can never get it right”

“I don’t feel like we are equal”

“they’re more interested in work than in me”

“I don’t feel desired”

“I feel so disconnected from them”

“They’re not interested in growth”

On the surface, these look like different problems.

But underneath, they are usually expressions of the same pattern — each of you trying to get something important across, and not being able to reach the other.

Couples Come With Different Reasons

• Some come because things feel close to breaking point.

• Some because something significant has happened — an affair, a rupture, or a loss that has unsettled the relationship.

• Others are functioning well on the surface, but know something isn’t quite right underneath.

You Might Recognise Yourselves Here:

• You’re having the same argument again and again

• One of you pushes for connection while the other withdraws

• Small things escalate quickly

• One of you is becoming exhausted or close to giving up

• Trust has been damaged and you don’t know how to rebuild it

• You feel more like opponents than partners

• You’ve had the same conversation so many times - and it goes nowhere

My Approach to Couples Work

• I use a psychobiological approach (PACT), grounded in neuroscience, attachment, and nervous system regulation.

• I work specifically with these kinds of patterns every day.

• in practice, this means we focus on what happens between you in real time, how each of you responds under pressure and how those responses reinforce the cycle you are caught in.

• in the first session, I will begin mapping the dynamic between you so that both of you can see clearly what is happening — most couples find this brings immediate clarity.

• from there, we work to interrupt the pattern and build a different way of relating.

• sessions are active, structured, and often eye-opening.

Who This Work Is For

This work is for couples who:

• feel stuck in the relationship despite trying to fix it

• may have tried other couples therapy but it didn’t work

• want to learn how to get themselves out of trouble

• want to work together differently but don’t know how

• are prepared to engage seriously in the process

What to Expect

Sessions are usually two hours, allowing enough time for the patterns between you to emerge and be worked with directly.

At times the work may feel unfamiliar or confronting — we are working directly with well-established patterns.

The process is structured and contained, so that you can engage with it without becoming overwhelmed.

We begin by understanding your history and what’s bringing you in now. From there, we identify the dynamic, strengthen the bond, and build ways to navigate difficult moments.

The work is structured and deep — but always at your pace.

Next Step

If this is familiar, book a 20-minute consultation to see whether this feels like the right fit.