Is the Therapy Model Flawed, Outdated, and Codependent?

Therapy is meant to help us heal — to return us to ourselves. But more and more people, both therapists and clients alike, are quietly asking: Is the model itself part of the problem?

Could the traditional one-on-one, endlessly weekly, insight-focused therapy relationship be keeping people stuck — not helping them move forward?

Could it, in some cases, be unintentionally codependent?

Let’s explore.

The Origins of the Model

Most modern psychotherapy models were built in the 20th century — and many of their assumptions come from that era.

A time when:

• The therapist was the “expert”

• The client was the “patient”

• Problems were treated like illnesses

• Emotions were explored through long conversations on a couch

It’s no wonder that many clients, especially those with deep trauma histories, can find themselves going week after week, talking, yet not actually changing.

They may grow in insight — “I understand my patterns now” — but the patterns still show up. The relationships still suffer. The anxiety still lingers.

When Therapy Becomes a Holding Pattern

Many clients come into therapy with a strong attachment need — especially those who didn’t get consistent caregiving in childhood. The therapy relationship itself can begin to meet that need in powerful ways.

But without enough structure, direction, and attention to the nervous system, therapy can become:

• A place to vent but not act

• A source of safety, but not transformation

• A relationship the client doesn’t want to leave — even when they’re no longer growing

And sometimes, the therapist becomes part of that pattern — unconsciously reinforcing dependency by never challenging the need to stay, or never shifting the frame from support into actual change.

So Is the Model Codependent?

Not always. But it can be.

Especially when:

• The therapist fears losing the client and avoids challenging them

• The client equates emotional safety with lack of challenge

• Both parties settle into a rhythm that prioritizes the relationship over the client’s real-world growth

This can mirror early attachment injuries — the therapist as the “good parent” the client never had, the client as the “good child” who needs permission to feel, to express, to exist.

There’s deep value in this phase — but therapy can’t stop there.

What Needs to Change?

Therapy is evolving — and it must continue to do so.

A modern therapy model must:

1. Work with the nervous system.

When therapy stays in the head — focused only on insight, meaning-making, or retelling — we risk bypassing the body, where trauma is held and healing actually happens. Shifting from “What does this mean?” to “What wants to happen in my body right now?” can unlock stuck patterns that insight alone can’t shift.

2. Prevent dependency through embodiment.

When clients connect to their own internal rhythms, boundaries, and impulses — rather than outsourcing that awareness to the therapist — they build true self-leadership. Body-based work helps return power to the client, reducing unconscious dependency or enmeshment.

3. Balance safety and challenge.

While therapy must be a safe space, growth often comes from tolerable risk. Working somatically helps the nervous system experience challenge without overwhelm — allowing for real change.

4. Prioritise real relationships.

We are wounded in relationship, and we often heal in relationship — not only with the therapist, but with partners, friends, family, and community. The therapy room is a lab, not a life.

5. Be collaborative and transparent.

Rather than the therapist as expert and the client as patient, we co-create a healing path. This fosters autonomy, and avoids recreating the early dynamics that many clients are seeking to heal from.

So, Is Therapy Flawed?

It depends on the therapist. It depends on the client. And it depends on whether both are willing to keep evolving.

Therapy at its best is a living, responsive, real relationship — one that helps you return to your body, your boundaries, your choices, your wholeness.

But therapy at its worst can become a gentle trap: endlessly validating, rarely confronting, and unconsciously replicating old dynamics.

If your therapy feels safe but not growing, kind but not catalysing — it’s okay to ask:

Is this helping me move forward?

A good therapist will welcome that question.

Final Thought

Therapy isn’t sacred. It’s a tool. And like any tool, its value depends on how it’s used.

If you’re seeking a model that integrates depth, relationship, and nervous system awareness — and one that respects both support and growth — you’re not alone.

You’re welcome to reach out. I offer a free 20-minute Zoom consultation to see if we’re a good fit.

Let’s find a way forward, together — not endlessly around in circles.